The Great Monkey and Snake Roadtrip
by Pia Yi
Summary: He had hoped his trip to Northern Kanto would be without complications; however, to his (mis)fortune, a most dangerous creature had found its way into the vehicle with him.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first swing at fan fiction as I noticed that there were no Nonon/Uzu fics (aside from one less that family friendly one) or any Nonon/Uzu shipping in general; so I guess I'm the only person who ships them.

…

Anyway, if you enjoy (or don't) please leave feedback, I would very much appreciate it. I'm estimating this will be ~4-5 chapters

Also, please forgive the title, I've never been good at naming things.

* * *

Driving was always a pleasant experience for him, enjoying the scenery as he zipped by, watching the features of the land fade as new objects replaced them, listening to whatever popped up on the radio, maybe even sing along if he felt particularly shameless that day, or just engaging in simple small talk with a friend if they rode along.

However, today was not a day where he'd be able to enjoy his ride, as a most dangerous creature had found its way onboard his vehicle. One that drove him into a state of perpetual fear, forcing him to be as still and silent as possible, out of the hope that it would not attack, for this creature was a ferocious one, one that could kill him in an instant should it feel slighted in even the most minute way.

Specifically, a snake.

Sanageyama Uzu took his eyes off the road for a moment to look over to his left, to the passenger seat, where the monster lay dormant. He did not turn his head, for that would likely incur the beast's wrath, instead shifting his eyes as far left as possible, causing a slight strain.

Jakuzure Nonon sat in the other seat, resting her arm on the car door and staring out the window at the landscape, while also swinging her feet that just barely hovered over the floor. She hummed a quiet tune that he had not heard prior to concentrating on her, and wore a little grin, suggesting that she was at least enjoying her sightseeing.

Uzu wanted desperately to go in for the kill while she was in an agreeable mood, but he held himself back, fearing that reminding her of his presence might cause her mood to deteriorate. While he tried to decide whether or not he should attempt conversation, Nonon took her eyes off the window for a moment and looked over to the driver, noticing him staring at her out of the corner of his eye, her mouth rose slightly at the corners.

"What'cha looking at Monkey?" she began, her words dripping with conceit, "See something you like?"

He scoffed at the notion, "As if. I was just wondering why you were so quiet over there. You usually talk about something, even if it is just talking shit."

"Oh, I'm sorry." she said in a mock-apologetic tone with her hand over her mouth and eyes shut tight, "I didn't think a Monkey would have anything to talk about."

Uzu's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth, ready to shoot back, but decided he'd rather keep their banter from devolving into mudslinging and familial insults, presumably about each other's mothers, and simply smirked as he returned his attention to the road. Nonon understood his intent and also stood down, though slightly disappointed, having numerous zingers in mind.

"But seriously, though. Did you want something?" she asked.

"Not really, just wondering why you came along."

The trip he and Nonon were currently on was to Northern Kanto, his old turf, to see how his old gang was doing in Ibaraki and Gunma before heading to his hometown in Tochigi. He had initially invited Ira, but he had plans, probably with that Mankanshoku girl. He tried with Houka as well, but he refused without giving much of a reason. In the end, Nonon had showed up just as he was about to head out, practically demanding he take her with. He hadn't even asked why, he was just glad to have the company.

Even if it was her.

She shrugged at the question as she kicked her feet up on the glovebox, looking over to Uzu to see if he had any objections, which he didn't seem to.

"I just wanted to get out of town for a while. The last time I went somewhere was the raid trip to Kyoto and when we spent a while in Osaka. It'll be nice to have something of a vacation, even if it is just monkey country."

The boy wanted to return fire on yet another jab at him, and now northern Kanto in general, but he decided to let it slide, and instead just nodded in agreement.

* * *

The ride continued in silence for some time after their brief conversation had ended. Nonon returned to staring out the window, now with a much duller expression. She had hoped to have a nice back and forth with Uzu, but he had made it clear that he would brush off whatever she threw at him. Uzu himself was also bored out of his wits, occasionally finding himself humming or whistling before stopping to avoid angering the beast in the opposite seat.

"Hey, mind if I turn the radio on?" the girl asked as she leaned forward, ready to activate the device as soon as she received the green light.

_YES, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THANK YOU._

"Knock yourself out."

She studied the panel briefly, searching for the on button amongst the unfamiliar layout, before finding and pressing it. The radio gave a faint hum and then a crackle before the audio began to play.

"-citizens are advised to avoid the vagrants, as they are rabies-ridden and incredibly hostile. In other news, a man believed to be in his late twenties was arrested in southern Kanto earlier today for egregious indecent exposure. He was able to escape, however, by blinding an officer with a purple flash of light. An investigation is under-"

Nonon pinched the bridge of her nose as she changed the station and looked over to Uzu, who just sighed knowingly. She continued switching through stations before settling on another at random and leaned back, fingers crossed.

_"-HALF NAKED_

_GOOD LOOKING_

_YOU'RE JUST_

_TOO HOT TO SUCK-"_

Not even a minute after being turned on, Nonon had already turned the radio back off in anger and fell back into her seat, arms thrown up in defeat.

"Hell with it, I'm not even gonna try." she said with a pout and arms crossed.

Uzu couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of his passenger throwing such a tantrum, "Hey, I thought it was pretty good."

The girl was seething, with her teeth grinding against each other she shot a glare that would make any lesser man cower in fear, however, Uzu was far too used to such faces for them to have any effect other than amusement on him. When she spoke, her voice was so lacking of emotion that Uzu feared he may have actually broken something in her.

"I swear I'm going to slit your throat in your sleep."

As if she wasn't already planning on that.

"Hey now, relax. I'm just kidding. I don't like that crap. To be honest I don't really care much for music in general."

He hadn't quite realized exactly what he just said until he noticed Nonon's face red with fury as she bit down on her lower lip, trying to contain her anger. He tried his best to elaborate as to what he meant, but it seemed for naught. He really pushed her this time.

"Come on, I didn't mean it like _that_. I mean, the music you guys in band play is alright."

She didn't answer, only giving a contemptuous _hmph_ as she turned to face the window once more. Though he continued in his attempts to get her to respond, it had become abundantly clear that she was in no mood to talk.

"Hello?"

No response.

"Earth to Jakuzure."

Nada.

Uzu groaned exhaustedly, deciding to just resign himself from trying to cheer her up. All he could do now was hope she got back to normal on her own soon, otherwise, the ride would get boring again very quickly.

* * *

Once more, the ride had devolved into an unbearable silence. Uzu had considered trying to speak to Nonon again, but knew that any attempts would likely just serve to exacerbate her pissy mood. In truth, he wasn't sure who was to blame. Was it his fault for 'insulting' music due to his lack of foresight, or was she just being overly dramatic about him not thinking out what he meant to say?

_I swear, you-_

_Grrrrrrrrr._

A strange sound filled the vehicle, breaking the silence that had plagued it. Uzu looked over to Nonon, still staring out the window, the pout on her face visible in the reflection on the mirror. Confused, the boy quickly scanned his car to see what could have possibly made the noise. Not finding anything suspicious, he returned his attention to the road.

_Grrrrrrrrr._

There it was again. He looked around the vehicle once more, but again found nothing. He then shifted his gaze to Nonon.

_Grrrrrrrrr._

It was her stomach.

"Hey, you hungry?"

She didn't answer for a moment, then meekly nodded as she wrapped her arms around her growling stomach.

"I know a place coming up. Wanna stop by and grab something?"

Again she nodded wordlessly.

Uzu let loose a heavy sigh and smiled to himself.

_God, you're a handful._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I've been having misgivings about this chapter. Compared to the first chapter, it's far more dialogue heavy, and I worry that the narration may have suffered as a result. I'm also worried that I may be rushing things a bit, especially at the end, where I fear I may have played my cards a bit too early.

I may end up reworking this chapter in the future, but in the meantime, I would (again) appreciate feedback.

* * *

_Sluuuurp!_

Sucking in noodles and broth at seemingly inhuman speeds, Uzu slammed yet another empty bowl down on the table and pushed it aside with all the other conquered dishes. With no more food yet standing before him to devour, he leaned back in his seat and let loose a contented exhale, the combined scent of ramen and soba on his breath.

"You've got crap on your face." the girl opposite him noted.

"Hmm?"

He felt around his face to find any stray bits of food yet clinging to him and indeed, just as she said, found a bit of pork stuck on his cheek He popped the last scrap into his mouth and wiped his face with a napkin.

"So, do all you northern bumpkins have poor table manners or were you personally just raised in a barn?"

"It's not so much poor table manners as it is enjoying my food, little miss 'takes half an hour to eat two bowls of rice.'"

Nonon shrugged, paying the comment little heed, instead grabbing one the dangos she had ordered for dessert and pulled out her phone, which she began tapping away at with her thumb. Although Nonon's dismissive attitude irked him, Uzu couldn't help but notice the way she nibbled on her dango, slowly diminishing it with tiny bites, much like how a rabbit would gnaw on a carrot bit by bit until it was no more. He turned to look out the nearest window as he felt his face grow hotter; though he'd sooner die than admit it, he found the whole thing to be unbearably cute. So much so that he thought he might actually get a heart attack.

"So," he coughed into his fist in an attempt to avoid arousing suspicion to his somewhat flushed expression, but would have failed miserably had she been paying even the slightest bit of attention, "what're you doing?"

"Texting Satsuki." she replied, her voice muffled by the dango sticking out of her mouth now that both hands were devoted to typing.

"Oh? What about?"

"...Nothing much."

He noticed a slight hesitance in her voice, but just in the faintest degree. Had he not had such advanced hearing, he'd likely have not picked up on it at all. His interest piqued, knowing that was was indeed something much being discussed, and he was tempted to press further, but decided to respect their private conversation.

With the girl occupied, Uzu studied his surroundings, taking note of how barren the restaurant was aside from them and an elderly couple on the opposite end of the room. Even though it was hardly the busiest time of day, being too late for lunch yet too early for supper, he still found the apparent lack of business to be quite jarring, especially given his memories of how bustling the place used to be.

"Man, what happened to this place?"

"Is that who I think it is?" a voice came from off to the side.

Caught off guard, Uzu swung around to face the voice, his face lighting up upon seeing who it was. "Mr. Hiraga?"

Standing before him was the owner of the restaurant, an elderly man who stood easily as tall as Uzu with only a slightly thinner build. His face, though it had the wear of many years, was still relatively youthful for his age. The younger man could only hope he looked that good when he got old.

"Sanageyama Uzu," the elderly man drawled with a serious aura about him, surprising Uzu. The two stared at each other for a moment in a silence that disconcerted the youth.

The man snickered, then chuckled, then burst out into laughter as held out his hand, which Uzu gladly grabbed and shook, before being pulled up out of his seat and trapped in a suffocating bear hug that left him hungry for air.

"I haven't see you in forever! What's it been now son, three years?"

"And a half," Uzu wheezed weakly as he felt his lungs hug together and his ribs tried their damndest not to shatter under the weight of the man's tight embrace.

"Can you…?"

Mr. Hiraga gave him an inquisitive look as the hamster in his head slowly started running in its wheel. "Oh, sorry!"

The man let go of his grip on the youth, who immediately keeled over and began frantically gasping for the air he had never before truly appreciated until then.

"Sorry about that, I got carried away," the man rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment before being waved off by Uzu, who had returned to his feet.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. I just wonder why parents let you near their kids."

"You wound me, Uzu."

The two shared a hearty laugh, at least, Mr. Hiraga laughed; Uzu had tried, but erupted into a series of violent coughs as soon as he began.

"So, what brings you back to these parts?"

"Well, I had some free time and figured I'd take a bit of a vacation. I thought it'd be fun to visit some friends up here. My first stop was here in Gunma, so I figured we'd stop by since we were hungry."

The older man nodded in affirmation, but was caught up with the word 'we.' He shifted his head to look behind Uzu and saw the girl he had previously not noticed and Uzu had completely forgotten about.

Nonon had been listening in on their conversation every now and then, taking a particular interest in Uzu getting wrapped up tight in the man's arms, having to bite the side of the cheek to keep from laughing, but other than that, had very little investment in their interaction. She had only noticed the man's attention by a chance gaze out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry, I didn't notice you there," the man smiled and held out his hand, "Hiraga Takero."

"Jakuzure Nonon," she replied as she shook his hand, responding to his smile with her own, one that Uzu doubted the sincerity of.

"A pleasure to meet you," Mr. Hiraga turned to Uzu, "Congratulations, son. I knew you'd find someone eventually.

He raised an eyebrow in confusion, "What do you- Oh. _OH_. No, no nonononononono."

"What? You mean to tell me you two aren't dating?"

Nonon shivered in her seat with disgust written all over her face, "Oh _GOD._ Please, don't make me puke."

The man blinked once, then twice, then burst into another fit of laughter.

"Oh, I get it. You're one of _those _girls!"

"One of what girls?" she loud-whispered to Uzu, hoping the man would not hear them under the sound of his own laughter.

"He's calling you a tsundere, you know, a love-hate relationship."

"Well, he's half-right."

The elderly man ceased his impression of a hyena and cleared his throat, "I'm sorry about that, that's just my medication acting up."

"Wait, wha-"

"I have to check in with the kitchen quick. Do either of you feel up for desert? On me."

The two shook their heads, having received their fill, though Uzu asked for the bill for their meal. The owner nodded and headed off for the kitchen for his duties, leaving them to themselves.

Nonon watched him disappear into the other room, and the second he was out of sight, diverted her attention to the boy sitting opposite her, "Hey, Monkey."

"Hmm?" he mumbled, his cheek bulging from a dango he had swiped from Nonon's plate. He noticed her shifting awkwardly in her seat with an odd expression on her face. He wanted to ask if her butt was sore, but knew that doing so would earn him a glass to the face.

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out and she instead stared off to the side, as if she forgot what she was going to say. Uzu coughed into his fist to gain her attention, which caught her by surprise and nearly made her jump.

"Oh- I- Umm…" she stumbled over her words as the color slowly drained from her face and her voice became hoarse, "Where's the bathroom?" she barely managed to eke out.

Taking a second to think, he pointed to their right, to a short hallway with two visible doors. Without saying a word, she slid out of the booth and bolted for the restroom, leaving a very confused Uzu to himself.

* * *

Nonon slammed the restroom door shut and locked it; to her good fortune, it was a private room as opposed to a public collection of stalls. She marched over to the sink and grabbed ahold of it, hands wrapped around the ridges and fingers glued to the underside.

_Dumbass._

She stared at the mirror, disgusted by the sight of her reflection, her normally cool and adjusted self reduced to a mere wreck. If she could, she would have ripped the sink from the wall and smashed it on the ground without a second thought. Alas, she was not Ira. She considered settling for punching the mirror into pieces, but that would just end up slashing her hands. All she wanted was a way to alleviate the stress, to get rid of the lump in her throat that pained her every time she swallowed. She knew of only one way to calm herself.

Nonon sat atop the toilet seat and yanked her phone out of her pocket and selected Satsuki from the contacts list. Pressing the phone to her ear, she cursed under her breath as the dialing tone repeated over and over, muttering 'pick up' or 'answer' every other second.

"Hello?" the voice on the other side of the line finally answered.

Nonon did not respond, causing her friend to become concerned.

"Nonon?"

"I couldn't."


End file.
